#RWISA “RISE-UP” TOUR, DAY 5, YVETTE M. CALLEIRO @YvetteMCalleiro, @RRBC_ORG @RRBC_RWISA @TWEETS4RWISA #RRBC

MAMA’S MACRAME LESSONS

by Yvette M. Calleiro

I remember the first time I saw my mother macramaéing. She sat at the dining room table, her hands crisscrossing, repeatedly weaving the cotton chords in, out, over, and through. Spanish music played softly in the background while the smell of a vanilla cake baking in the oven permeated the air.

She hummed the words to the song with a smile on her face as her hands created their own weaving rhythm. She looked so serene, and I wanted to be a part of that. I tiptoed over to her in my nightgown and asked her what she was making. A hanging potholder to hold her potted plants, she had said. I looked out the window at the plants hanging from the porch ceiling and gazed in awe, realizing my mom had made those beautiful holders with her own two hands.

I wanted to help her make one. My mom told me to finish washing up and get dressed and then to meet her at the table. I rushed upstairs and hurried through the morning routine, eager to learn how to make my own potholder. As I sat by my mother’s side, little did I know that those sessions would embed within me lessons far more important than how to create a hanging macramé.

Begin with the end in mind.

Before we started our project, my mother explained how I needed to know what I wanted to create. If I didn’t have a vision of the outcome, how would I ever create it? She showed me pictures of a few different designs, gently guiding me toward the easier ones since it was my first time making one. I referred to that picture multiple times to compare what I had done to the image of the original masterpiece. Until my macramé began to take shape, that picture was my motivator.

In every area of my success, I have begun with the end in mind. I have envisioned the outcome I wanted and then worked to make it happen. It wasn’t always easy, but I held on to the endgame vision to motivate me to keep going until I reached my goal. This lesson helped me with some of the most difficult moments in my life.

Make a plan. Follow directions.

After I picked the simple design I wanted to complete, my mom showed me all the materials I would need. She shared with me how important it was to gather everything I would need before I began. It not only saved time but also prevented frustration. She gave me the ring I needed as my anchor, the chords to weave, and the beads that would be woven within the pattern to give it some “jewelry.” Then, she taught me the different knots we would use.

We practiced making the knots several times because I kept forgetting the order. Did I go over or under? Did I cross left or right? My mom kindly explained that learning how to do a task is important. Learning the correct process saves time and effort, she explained. And she was right!

I am still that person who will read the manual when I buy something new. As an author, I map out the stories I write, creating detailed plot outlines to make sure I know where the story is heading. But, as with macramaéing, I learned how to adjust and make changes when artistic inspiration overrode basic directions. Even stability needs a bit of flexibility every now and then.

Do things correctly the first time (but mistakes can be fixed with time).

At the beginning, I took my time slowly making the knots, careful not to make a mistake. As time passed and my mom and I began having conversations, I would sometimes lose track of the way I made the knots. Ten knots later, I’d pause, review my work, and realize something was off. Even back then, I was a bit of a perfectionist. (Okay, maybe I still am.)

I remember wanting to cry, feeling as if I had ruined it. My mom calmed me down and helped me understand my mistake was fixable. I simply had to undo the knots I had made until I reached the wrong one and fixed it. She made it sound as if it were no big deal, but in my twelve-year-old mind, it was a monumental mistake. As I took the time to retrace my steps, I calmed down, finding comfort in knowing my error wasn’t permanent.

I still don’t handle making mistakes well, but I am kinder with myself. I give myself loving kindness and work toward fixing my mistakes once I realize I’ve made them. And as with that moment long ago, peace and comfort fill me when I right my wrongs.

Patience is key. Enjoy the journey.

At the beginning, there were many times when I became frustrated while making my macramé. Although I enjoyed the talks with my mom, I didn’t realize how long it would take to finish just one project. My tween attention span lasted as long as a cartoon episode. My mom would recognize when I was waning and suggest I leave the rest for another time, which I eagerly accepted.

As our sessions progressed, I finally found the Zen I had seen my mother displaying on that first day. My fingers found their rhythm, and I did not have to concentrate so much about every twist. I began to enjoy the feel of the chord in my hands, the calmness of my breath, and the calming nature of process. I had learned to love the journey along the way.

There have been many moments in my life where I forgot this lesson, or rather, the journey wasn’t very enjoyable. The world is not as simple as it once was, and our minds are constantly being pulled in multiple direction all at once. A couple of bouts of depression and an anxiety disorder diagnosis almost unraveled me. Luckily, I have found my way back to being present in life’s moments. I try to focus on one task at a time and relish the stillness in simple tasks.

Take pride in your work. Enjoy the fruits of your labor.

I don’t remember exactly how long it took me to make that first macramé, but it felt like forever. When I made that last knot and cut the final chord, I became so nervous that it wouldn’t work, that I had done something wrong and had not caught my mistake. I held it up by the ring, and it looked beautiful, but would it hold a potted plant? That was the real test of success.

My mom handed me an empty pot, and I carefully pushed it into the holder, and it fit! Relief washed over me as a smile spread across my face. My mom’s expression held pride and happiness, which made me even happier. She helped me select a cactus plant to hang on our porch, and my dad secured it to the ceiling. Every time I saw that macramé, I felt a sense of accomplishment.

From macramés, I learned to latch hook, cross-stitch, and sew a little bit, though sewing didn’t hold my interest for long. Most importantly, I learned that when I put my effort at accomplishing something, I would be rewarded from the experience. This has held true for my entire life.

I worked hard in high school and earned a full scholarship to Florida International University. I earned a bachelor’s degree, two master’s degrees in the educational field, and found a career I’m passionate about. I began writing stories and poetry and, to date, have six novels and three short stories published, plus a few poems included in RWISA anthologies. Most recently, I had my poetry included in a poetry anthology. And with all these events (and so many more), I have enjoyed the finished outcomes of my effort.

Time spent with family is time well spent.

My favorite part of creating macramés with my mom was spending time together. I grew up in a time where children were to be seen, not heard. My sister and I played together in our playroom most of the time. We ate with my parents and sometimes watched a show with them. We went to church with them, and they attended our sporting events. But usually, my sister and I spent time separate from my parents because that was just the culture of the time.

These moments with my mom dropped the veil a bit so my mom could just be herself and have conversations with me about anything and everything. I talked to her about my friends at school, and she would share stories about her job. We would reminisce about different trips we had taken and laugh about the memories. I felt seen and heard in a way I don’t remember ever feeling before then. And when our macramé session was over, the veil would return as she took on the parent role and all the responsibilities that came with it.

Now, I am a mom of an almost-adult. When he was born, I made a vow to have a relationship with him where that feeling during my macramé sessions are the norm, where conversations flow freely and laughter comes naturally, where he feels heard and seen at all times. My bond with my son is the most precious part of my life.

Times have changed, and my mom and I are closer than ever. As I became an adult, my mom shed the role she had been taught by her mom and adopted a more open, free, and affectionate role. She is one of my best friends (my sister is my other one). Decades have passed, but I still find time with family to be the epitome of time well spent.

Below is a tanka poem I created about these moments with my mom. A tanka poem consists of five lines and follows a syllabic pattern of 5-7-5-7-7 syllables. They are untitled.

macramé moments

cotton chords create beauty

time with mom well spent

wise lessons woven within

the thread of life remembers

***

Thanks for supporting me!

Twitter:  @YvetteMCalleiro

Please visit my RWISA Profile to learn more about me and my books!

Thank you for supporting today’s RWISA author along the RWISA “RISE-UP” Blog Tour!  To follow along with the rest of the tour, please visit the main RWISA “RISE-UP” Blog Tour page  on the RWISA site.  For a chance to win a bundle of e-books along with a $5 Amazon gift card, please leave a comment below and on the main RWISA “RISE-UP” Blog Tour  page!  Thank you and good luck!